


In which John proceeds to be Kind Of An Ass (TM)

by peppermintpeony (coloringwitheyeliner)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: International Fanworks Day 2018, and hang out in john's room, nothing particularly romantic but trust me theyre boyfriends, only rated T because theres cursing, they play acnl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 08:18:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13700544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coloringwitheyeliner/pseuds/peppermintpeony
Summary: John's visiting Dave's town in ACNL. Dave's town is messy and John swoops in to steal his shit.





	In which John proceeds to be Kind Of An Ass (TM)

“John, dude, stop. Stop stealing all my shit.” Dave protested, following John around in ACNL as he pocketed all of the stuff Dave had left on the ground in his town.

“You left it on the ground, dude, its free game! Them’s the rules!” John argued, stuffing an assortment of fossils, clothes, and furniture into his pockets, as Dave hit him in the head with his bug net.

“Not true, Egbert. Drop the stuff or face the consequences.”

“You don’t even need them! If you did, you’d have them in your house or in the museum or something!”

“I’m a hoarder, John. Give me my shit.”

“And if I refuse?”

“The ultimate death.”

John peeked up from his screen to see Dave waggling his fingers at him, threatening to tickle him should he refuse to give up the goods.

“Hey, now, there’s no need for that kind of warfare!” he protested, lifting one socked foot to push one of  Dave’s threatening hands as far away as possible. “Why not go to the island? Best 2 out of 3. Winner gets the stuff.”

Dave narrowed his eyes behind his shades and pursed his lips. “You’re really going to make me compete against you for my own things?”

John’s eyes flickered with mischievous glee. “You know me well enough, don’t you?”

Dave sighed dramatically, loud huffs of air in between slow breaths in. “Fine. Fine!!” He lifted his DS to his face and guided his character to the docks. John followed close behind, continuing to steal items he fond on the way, much to Dave’s chagrin.

Their characters guarded their boat and John began chatting idly about which game they could play to decide, but when they arrived at the island, Dave looked back up at John, raising an eyebrow to signal to him ‘ _I get to choose the game you sneaky son of a bitch.’_ John smiled ear to ear, his goofy teeth peeking out from behind his lips, not objecting because, well, it’s not like Dave’s _wrong._

John led his character to a chair to sit and wait while Dave led his character to choose their game.

Dave scrolled past Hide and Seek, not even considering that he wasn’t taking his shades off any time soon and he wouldn’t have a great time seeing the characters. He thought about Fossil Hunter briefly, but decided against since the whole point of them competing was to get his stuff _out_ of John’s pockets, not into them. He felt like it would only egg him on.

He finally decided on Balloon-Hunter, earning him a confused smirk John. Dave was confident though; despite not being a very sharp shooter in real life, his years of video gaming prepared him for this moment.

Tortimer gave his usual spiel, the count down started, and then the two boys pressed their buttons rapidly, attempting to shoot as many as possible, all too eager to get started. This resulted in neither of them gaining very many points, but Dave still made it out in the lead.

He glanced at John, a victorious smirk threatening to burst into the beginnings of a smile, confident and prepared to win his stuff back.

“Don’t get too arrogant Dave. We just started. There are two more rounds to go.” John eyed him, his own smirk forming on his lips.

“Oh, but if I win the next round, it’s over.” Dave contradicted, sure of himself.

“Well,” John’s smirk easily burst into a smile. “Start the next round, then!”

This time, they both took time to aim properly and carefully, shooting their respective balloons at a steadier rate, both scoring high points. However, this time, John won, his smile wide and toothy. Dave’s eyebrows furrowed, this time his lips were fashioned with a deep frown.

“I’m. going. to. beat. your. ASS.” Dave pouted, his eyes not looking up from the screen to meet John’s all-too-giddy ones.

“We’ll see about that, nerd!” John teased, taking one last seat in the island lobby as Dave set up the final round.

“I’m not a nerd! You know what a nerd is?”

“Oh? What is it?”

“A nerd is a goof with black hair and glasses that steals people’s shit and loves Ghostbusters too much.”

John laid a hand on his chest, feigning a hurt expression. “Ghostbusters is a _classic, Dave._ A _classic._ ”

“Not gonna protest the other stuff, huh?”

“Shut up and start the next round!”

Dave did. This round he concentrated so hard, managing to hit nearly all of his balloons. While he waited for the game to load and reveal him to be the winner, he looked up to flash John a triumphant smile.

However, when his eyes met John’s, his smile wavered. John was looking at him, eyes half lidded, a coy smile triumphant as Dave’s decorating his face.

When Dave looked down, his eyes met his fate.

He’d lost.

“John.” Dave began evenly. “Give me. My shit.”

“No way, dude! It’s mine now! You lost fair and square!”

“GIVE ME MY SHIT, JOHN.”

“No!! It’s mine.”

“ITS MY SHIT. YOU STOLE IT OFF THE GROUND AND NOW ITS IN YOUR POCKETS BUT ITS _MINE.”_

“YOU AGREED TO THE TERMS OF SERVICE, DAVE, YOU SIGNED THE CONTRACT AND NOW YOU’RE STUCK WITH YOUR SHITTY CHOICES!”

Dave took a deep breath. “John.”

“Dave?”

“You have two seconds, John.”

“Or what?”

Dave looked at him pointedly, knowing John would be able to tell even through his shades. He laid his DS safely to the side, and raised his hands again, his fingers once more waggling menacingly.

“Oh no.” John’s eyes grew wide, and he scrunched himself up against the footboard of his bed.

“Oh yes.” Dave leaned closer, his fingers picking up pace.

“Daaaaaaave, I won! Fair and square!”

“Your time is up, John.”

John didn’t have time to protest as Dave’s fingers flew to his sides, lightly tickling the other boy.

“D-Dave!” he managed between breaths for air and giggles. “Dave, please!” His eyes began to water and his cheeks ached as Dave tortured him.

“Are you gonna give me my shit back,” Dave prompted, his voice somehow still calm and even, as if he were talking about the weather and there wasn’t another boy underneath him kicking him in the gut occasionally.

“Never! I won!”

“Then sorry, John, but this is your fate for the rest of your life.”

John squirmed and shifted before finally breaking free and rolling on to the floor, where he turned to face Dave who was still on his knees on the bed.

“John, I’ll end you. Give it back, fuckass.”

“No way, asshole! I won!”

Dave lunged at him. John narrowly avoided, leaving Dave to fall flat on the floor, his glasses going askew on his face. John laughed at the sight of him, before dashing out of the room as Dave got up to catch him again.

This led to an all out war, John leading him easily through booby traps, set up to prank unsuspecting visitors. By the time Dave laid fast first, exhausted on the living room floor in front of John’s dad, he was covered head to toe in water, flour, and cake.

“What have you done to him, son?” John’s dad beamed, unsure whether to be concerned or proud.

John explained as Dave breathed heavily on the floor. When he’d finished, his dad smiled sympathetically and Dave’s breathing had slowed, but he hadn’t gotten up.

“You should give him his things back, son.” There was a “mmph” of agreement from the floor.

“I could, except that its mine now?”

Dave propped his head up on one hand, shooting a scrutinizing look at him. “Except, like, its not?” He replied in a mocking tone.

“Except, that I won, so?” John continued, again in the same tone.

Dave lunged at him again, and the two wrestled on the floor until John’s dad decided to call for a pizza, agreeing to be civil for the meal. By the time they'd finished eating, they'd forgotten all about their games until later, when they saved and climbed into bed for a goodnight's rest.

Dave didn’t get his shit back.


End file.
